3 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2011-11-24 10:38:46Whom have you robbed of this story ? Indian sex Fix all that and it could be a good story.«1» It clearly was originaly written in the third person, and you just put it in first person, but letting so much “him” or “they” go through …anonymous readerReport 2011-11-15 22:44:08Good story, but you really gotta break up you paragraphs and proof read it.anonymous readerReport 2011-11-15 09:27:02Spelling, grammer, sentance structure, and paragraph structure all suck. Fix all that and it could be a good story.«1» It clearly was originaly written in the third person, and you just put it in first person, but letting so much “him” or “they” go through …anonymous readerReport 2011-11-15 22:44:08Good story, but you really gotta break up you paragraphs and proof read it.anonymous readerReport 2011-11-15 09:27:02Spelling, grammer, sentance structure,
