7 comments«12»Anonymous readerReport 2014-12-25 04:34:00I’m still not convinced about her being beautiful, maybe if you added the word beautiful sixteen to twenty more times and I might just be convinced that’s she’s at least slightly beautiful.anonymous readerReport 2012-07-22 21:18:04wonderful plz updateClyReport 2012-06-08 16:24:38One thing that popped in my head, if I start a story where the main character’s name is unknown in the beginning, I find it jarring when all of a sudden, in the middle of a fight scene, we know his name without anything to bring it on. Usually I wait for an introduction, or I have the character talk to himself. xhamster Good luck!anonymous readerReport 2012-02-28 23:37:58Your moving along a tad bit to fast…anonymous readerReport 2012-02-23 18:16:32Beautiful but the events are happening to rapidly you could have a book published from this if
